Ok I am here to talk about parenting after infertility. Something I'm learning more and more about each day. My precious little girl made her way into our lives on the 29th of March 2011, after 4 years of trying to conceive her. We were sooo happy to become parents after years and years of wanting a family. The change into being a mom after this wild up and down experience of infertility was so much harder than I expected it to be. There is so much to learn, do and figure out.
My baby Rowan was born after 36 hours of labour 24 of which were natural with no drugs then 12 with epidural and then finally a c-section in the end! It sure was a wild ride! I had planned to go natural, my husband and I took classes about natural ways to cope with labour from a great group of Doulas. The stuff we learned was still very helpful to me even though I did end in a c-section. I still feel I earned a badge for the many hours of contraction upon contraction with very little space between. If things had progressed better then I am certain I could have birthed her vaginally. As it was the contractions stopped being useful once I had the epidural. I was stuck at 6cm dilated and many hours it wouldn't change. Rowan's head began to get swollen and I was sooo tired after no sleep for 36 hours my husband and I finally decided it was time to do a c-section. She was and is a beautiful perfect baby. She was born at 9.1 lbs my big girl especially considering I am normally a small person at about 114lbs before pregnancy! Rowan is a perfectly healthy girl and has a big set of lungs on her! She is a girl that knows what she wants and when.
This brings me to my reason for doing a blog about parenting after infertility... it isn't easy! Even if you want this little person in your life so badly... it's still tough. Of course it gets better and better with time but the beginning is rough! You need all the help you can get and you have to learn to be less critical of yourself too. You have all these ideas about how you want to parent and what you will do with this new bundle, just a picture in your mind like a treasured favorite song that you know the lyrics to. When reality hits things can go off key and fast! It's time to improv and learn what will really work for you. Sometimes you have to drastically change what you had in mind and just roll with it and not care that you are not the parent you thought you would be, you are growing and changing into the best mama for your baby. You will get tons of advice from others too and some will be good and some not so good, sort through it and just take what feels good for you. Go with your instincts, if something works and feels good then work with it no matter what others say... or yourself for that matter! Babies grow and change so fast and throw curve balls at you constantly one thing will work one week then the next it won't. Some things might stay consistent for a while then change. The thing is you get better at staying calm and just trying something new without worrying that it's the end of the world.
I think all mamas out there but especially those that have gone through infertility figure they will be perfect moms and yet they already have so much emotional upheaval maybe even some depression going on that new mamahood takes a while to get the hang of. For me a good 3 months ... maybe even 4 before I stopped panicking at every cry my little pumpkin made. She is going to cry!! She is actually a very sensitive baby too so it makes the job harder. She will not be perfectly happy little baby all the time and that does not make me a bad mom, it's just reality. I know lots of new moms say how they fell in love at first sight and I did in a way... but it took me much longer to LOVE LOVE her. I knew she was mine and that I would do anything for her but there were times in the following weeks even after trying for 4 years that I still felt like... OMG what have I done to my life.. this sucks I don't want to be a parent. It's ok to feel that way, hormones are still running wild in your system for a few months after birth and you don't know how to perfectly sooth and care for your baby yet, just takes time and patience. Also knowing that you WILL learn how to be a great mom. Everyone needs to learn, so be patient. Now 4 months later and I can't see my life without this little ball of fluffy cuteness LOL
In this blog I will tell you about things I have learned both practical and emotional. Just discuss the experience of being a new mom after infertility. I will talk about cloth diapering, nursing, parenting in general and all the choices I made for my family... and some ways that I changed my tune!
